so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
