Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
