What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
