i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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