i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
