i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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