I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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