I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
