oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
