Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
