He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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