:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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