can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
