took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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