If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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