what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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