I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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