I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
