It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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