i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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