im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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