Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
