Kiss
Puke
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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