my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
