my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
only if we run a train.
done.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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