Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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