After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
