So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
