how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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