What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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