Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
