Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
