oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
