he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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