its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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