I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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