Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
