im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
