Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
His nipple licking is glorious
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