I need help removing her.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
