oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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