I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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