I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel great
I just peed on a car
where am i from again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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