I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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