My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
