why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
