well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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