Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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