woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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