he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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