Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need moral support for this bender
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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