well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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