It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
